You may know August Guszkowski best as the bassist for underground prog-rock band Bucket of Rubber Fish, which he joined in early 2018. The band received widespread publicity when a U.S. Senator passed a kidney stone in the audience of one of their concerts (August's second-ever time onstage with the band!), but they struggled to find a broader audience, although their music is beloved to this day by a small but devoted fanbase. August played with BoRF for five years and four albums, crisscrossing the continental United States on tour with the band until his patriotic duty called. Due to an obscure legal loophole in his on-paper home state of New Hampshire, August was briefly declared the acting governor of the Granite State. The loophole was soon closed and August was free to get back to the band, but not before falling victim to a witch's curse that prevented him from ever setting foot in Canada. Unfortunately, Bucket of Rubber Fish was scheduled for tour stops throughout Quebec and Ontario, so August bowed out and BoRF got a new bassist, for whom August has nothing but respect, despite what recordings of the pair's interactions might suggest. August maintains that the infamous "Thirsty Turtle" video (filmed at the eponymous bar in Reynoldsburg, OH, shortly after August's departure from the band) has been doctored, and he wishes Bucket of Rubber Fish only the best.
Quitting the band gave August the opportunity to focus on his lifelong passions: miniaturization and dog-themed televised competition shows. In 2024, he published his first paper in the Journal of Nanoepidemiology: a 0.5-millimeter-by-0.5-millimeter fragment on which he painted the words SICK NASTY with a brush made of a single eyelash. The paper was well-received by the nanoepidemiological community, and a follow-up is in the works, with publication expected in 2027. August's love of making things very tiny has also allowed him to develop a series of progressively smaller eyeglasses to be worn matryoshka-style under his full-sized pair, so that it is functionally impossible to ever remove his glasses, as there is always a smaller pair underneath. In addition to these achievements, August developed an intensive training regimen that allowed him, in early 2025, to crush the competition and win the hit game show Find the Beagle with a record time of 21 minutes and 8 seconds.
In his free time, August enjoys being declared Student of the Month at high schools across America and getting matching tattoos with his dad.
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
lie credit: a.s. // e.g. // c.s. // j.a. // n.c.s. // g.s. // s.w. // s.s.
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.